Campaign Finance Laws...

Why do we make something that should be so easy, so overly complicated and complex that it takes a herd of lawyers piling on the billable hours to figure the whole thing out?

Well, as usual, there is a very simple solution. How simple? I can sum it up in two points.

1) Unlimited dollar amount on donations/contributions
2) Full public disclosure of ALL donations/contributions

It is our responsibility as citizens to be aware of where our politicans get their funds. It is not the responsibility of the government to preempt our responsibility by limiting contributions out of fear that we won't be aware which candidates are backed by oil companies, pharmaceutical companies, and other traditional lobbyist groups.

Also, it should go without saying that anyone (even George Soros) should be able to buy ad time on any station willing to sell it to promote or criticize any candidate.

How about we save a few trees by eliminating the current campaign finance reform laws, drastically reduce the need for lawyers, and in the end gain back some of our lost liberties. It is a win-win-win situation.

John Edwards' Man Camp: Molding Metrosexuals Since 2004

John Edwards wants YOU! John Edwards' School of Macho Metrosexual Manliness has been instructing the less fair gender in the arts of metrosexuality since 2004 with a proven track record. Admission is as cheap as a campaign contribution, and the course work takes less time to complete than a presidential campaign.

So what can John Edwards' School of Macho Metrosexual Manliness teach you? At John Edwards' School you will learn how to attack your enemies without fear of reprisal. Moreover, you will learn how to groom yourself so immaculately that even the most self-absorbed coxcomb popinjay will find you sickeningly effeminate. Intrigued? Then read on.

Your first lesson at John Edwards' School is the art of self-manipulation. Being this pretty doesn't come easy- at least not to most folks who aren't named John Edwards. That is why our school has over 100 cosmetologists on staff to instruct you in the fine arts of make-up application, hair design, and the appropriate manner in which to use hair gel. Normal men are often oblivious to these important techniques, but there is no reason for you to continue to wander in the abyss of ignorance. Sign up today and we'll include a FREE make-up mirror!

Did you know you're probably neglecting your most important tool in the climb to becoming metrosexually marvelous! Did you know that your wife is more useful as a mouthpiece, than as simply someone else you can borrow make-up from? In this sexist world men often fear to attack ladies, and if you are fortunate enough to have a wife with an important sounding disease (i.e. cancer, lupus, G.E.R.D.) who would dare say anything negative about her even if she walked up and insulted their momma?


So why not have her attack your enemies and insult your adversaries? With such a strategy you don't have to fear any reprisals and you can easily push her to the side when the time comes to hog all the glory at the podium. Take a lesson from our Chancellor and namesake John Edwards....

When our distinguished leader was vaguely referred to as a "faggot" his wife called in to confront Ann Coulter.

When our noted guru was behind in the polls to Hillary, his wife called out Hillary on her womanhood.

When Obama started gaining ground on the meticulously coifed one, it was his wife who pointed out that the novelty of race was irrelevant.

When Obama stole Edward's 2004 primary Shtick, it was Mrs. Edwards who pointed it out to the media.

And when it came time to confront the biggest name in talk radio, it was Mrs. Edwards who questioned El Rushbo's ability to hold job that requires him to sit for hours at a time when he was exempted from military service in Vietnam. (Makes perfect sense to me!)

You see, bravery gets you nowhere. Why risk messing up your hair and your public image, not to mention retaliation by your enemies, when you can simply have your wife do the hard work while you reap the electoral rewards?

Enroll today and we will include a free book entitled, "How to Win Friends and Chase Ambulances." It is your guide on how to get rich off the misery of others. The books comes with your very own replica John Edwards comb and make-up mirror. Sign up today, while supplies last!

I Was Going to Post on John Edward's Man Camp but...

An excellent opportunity arose to blog on a truly important subject- feminists and their lack of any semblance of a sense of humor. How does the old joke go?

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: That's not funny!

Many feminists are so caught up in paroxysms of anguish over the patriarchy (and for some quasi-Marxist screeds about fatphobia) that they can't find humor in even the most innocuous of tongue in cheek comments.

These feminists make up a part of what I call the petty tyrants of the web. Their comment boards are a space reserved wholly unto mutual admiration and fighting against the patriarchy. Don't dare to contradict them, make an off-color comment, or disagree- for such are mortal sins. These petty tyrants come in all shapes and sizes, and from all political persuasions. However, I've noticed that the majority of these folks firmly reside on the left-wing of the political spectrum.

Not content to discuss opposing views and unable to cope with joking about such serious subjects they reflexively must both ban the opposition AND then get in the last word. Could you imagine if these folks ever attained real political power, instead of just their minuscule monopoly over the message boards and comment sections of their respective web-based fiefdoms? Creepy, I know.

So the next few posts are dedicated to all the web's left-wing dinky despots. I can make one good as gold guarantee to them. I don't ban anyone from the comments section. If I think your comments are stupid, irrational, or idiotic, I am content to let them speak for themselves. I don't feel the need to ban anyone for their comments since those who read this blog are intelligent enough to know which comments are worthless, inane, or just plain ol' dumb- I don't have to do their thinking for them. ;-)

[I was tempted to insert the phrase "rule of thumb" above since it causes feminists so much anguish, but since this is a classy blog I abstained. Ladies, feel free to thank me.]

So what is coming down the shoot next for Musings & Rants?

Bad British Teeth and Humorless Feminists.











John Edward's Man Camp: Molding Metrosexual Men since 2004.











Crafting Your Own Conspiracy: Lesson II

This time I will include plenty of material on patriarchy- lest the feminists get mad that I left them out of my last posting on conspiracy theories.

And for all the feminists who wandered in, here are some posts guaranteed to make you angry. Be sure to take out your rage on the nearest representative of the evil male-o-cracy.

The Sexy Women of Code Pink

The "Happiest" Debate Ever

Bush Derangement Syndrome

Memo to the NAACP: Pick Better Heroes

Can you remember the days of Martin Luther King? Freedom Riders? Those halcyon times when civil rights leaders didn't dress in track suits and the folks fighting in the trenches (not to mention the real victims of prejudice) were good honest hard working folks who just wanted a fair shake in this great country? If you can't, well I guess given the last year's events, that is understandable.

Meet, Renato Hughes, Jr. (22), the latest cause celeb of the now terminally morally bankrupt civil rights (shame) movement. So what did Mr. Hughes do to earn his status as a victim of discrimination? Well, he and two associates are alleged to have broken into a house at 4 a.m., demanded marijuana from the owner, and then proceeded to beat the homeowner's son so badly that:

"[He] suffered brain damage from the baseball bat beating he took during the melee. The 19-year-old lives in a rehabilitation center and can no longer feed himself." [1]

The homeowner responded by shooting each of Hughes' two associates in the head- yet somehow Hughes made it out alive. Where is the racism you ask? Well, the local prosecutor is charging Hughes with the death his two unfortunate associates under the "Provocative Act doctrine." The Provocative Act doctrine makes any person who provokes a violent act where it was "reasonably foreseeable that the criminal enterprise could trigger a fatal response from the homeowner" liable for those who die as a result. [2] Since this is what an AP writer thinks the doctrine means take the definition with a grain of salt- possibly a whole shaker full.

Of course, the local NAACP has wasted no time responding to this blatant act of racism and has issued the following statement (paraphrased by the AP writer):

[Warning: Reading the following statement may induce either fits of laughter or a long bout of despair. Proceed at your own risk.]

"The Rev. Amos Brown, head of the San Francisco chapter of the NAACP and pastor at Hughes' church, said the case demonstrates the legal system is racist in remote Lake County, aspiring wine country 100 miles north of San Francisco. The sparsely populated county of 13,000 people is 91 percent white and 2 percent black." [3]

Indeed, how can we stand by when innocent burglars and thugs are charged with criminal conduct!? How can we stand by when thieves and hooligans don't have the same rights as everyone else?! If they can charge someone who commits a violent home invasion with a crime under this doctrine, who will they charge next? The Jews? Soccer moms? Left-handed midgets with Tourette's Syndrome?!

This calls to mind another group of Civil Rights icons. No, not the freedom riders. Think bigger? Also think more recent. Have you already forgotten about the Jena 6?!

Those brave young men who, despite overwhelming odds of six to one (there were six of them), engaged in a fight with another student. They were even brave enough to "kick and stomp his body" while he lay unconscious on the floor. [4]

The young man in the picture (Mychal Bell) is of course a wonderful upstanding civilian who helps old ladies across the street. Unfortunately, when he isn't helping old ladies with their groceries he has taken some small detours into the world of violence. Sadly, before he fought for freedom by kicking an unconscious young man he had already been arrested and convicted in the previous year for "attacking someone," and was subsequently found to have "committed three more crimes while on probation." [5] As someone still working on my first criminal conviction, I must say I am doing my best to empathize. I did get a parking ticket once. Does that count?

Although, I must conclude with one question. Which is worse. The NAACP supporting these violent thugs as Civil Rights icons OR...
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Wait for it...
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Here it comes...
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THIS!!!!

But then again, are any of those folks all that bad considering...


Gotta love the medallion! I just wonder, a medallion that big must have magical powers. Right?

To all my black friends out there. "I feel your pain. Seriously, I do."

The Sexy Women of Code Pink

As I was walking through the park the other day I came across this lovely specimen of womanhood. Was she taking a rest from her daily jog? Taking in some rays from the noon-day sun? Nope. Just taking a breather from a busy day of protesting against that evil dictator George Bush and his nefarious Twinkie conspiracy. Did you know Twinkie were an inside job?

Regardless, I thought to myself, has anyone taken the time to recognize the beautiful women of Code Pink? Anyone? No. So why shouldn't your humble blog author post something dedicated to these resplendent women that are so under-appreciated.

For example, this young woman is obviously SO self-confident that she doesn't need things likes showers, shampoo, conditioner, soap, reasonably fashionable clothes and other such bourgeoisie impediments to expressing herself in an original and odoriferous way.

For those looking for talent, notice her ability to apply a marker to a large piece of construction paper. She even owns a set of markers with at least four colors! A better catch I've never seen. Seriously!

Well not until our next competitors....

Is that Benjamin Franklin? Nope. The Crypt Keeper? Nope. Just another proud C.P. member out for an exciting day on the town. Her shirt says it all, she is a woman of strong passions and even stronger passions. This one is a real catch guys!




Now the Talent Portion of Our Competition...

Here we see another gorgeous "womyn" engaging in what appears to be witchcraft- causing a hoop to float suspended in the air around her hips. If not witchcraft, perhaps the levitating force has something to do with the flux capacitor shaped veins in her forehead (you are forewarned from clicking on the enlarge button). Why did you click on the button?!
I warned you. Well, too late, you'll never get the image out of your head now. Live with it. Oh you didn't click the button? Then here is a close-up of the secret of her spectacular powers- the flux capacitor.



These Pinkos are incredibly talented. Here we see one singing the national anthem of her favorite county- China. Listen to the dulcet tones guided by her mellifluous voice. Indeed the American Idol stage never saw such talented pipes!

And to think how a woman like this has time to do all this protesting despite all the gentleman callers she must have lined up around the block for her fair hand. Truly amazing.

Here we have one that seems quite proud of her down home arts and crafts. She has applied all her best efforts for a whole week to create a peace sign from duct tape. Of all the uses for duct tape, I never thought it could be used to such brilliant ends. Perhaps she has some left over for her mouth? I doubt we should be so lucky.



Their Significant Others

I was able to some pictures of the kind of men attracted to a code pink ladies. As you can see, in the first case (picture to your right) this seems a problematic attraction as both have naughty parts that are either neglected or used in a manner separate from their intended meaning. Never the twain of these two shall meet. Well except at a peace march screaming, "Bush Lied!" In that one instance they could come together, but otherwise, nope.


Our second specimen is all about some Code Pink ladies. Here is a straight man interested in...oh, wait a minute. Well here is a man who will...maybe not. Well here is a person who hangs around peace circles to enjoy the sweet fiddle's music and show off his homemade cut-off jeans and mid-riff displaying anti-war shirt.

Well if you've recovered from this incredible display of machismo and studliness maybe we can move on? Not ready. Okay, one more glance, but that's it!

Okay, as I was saying...



Here is a whole gaggle of them. Guys, this is your chance! Don't let a single one of these beauties get away. Especially the one on the bottom right. She is apparently too poor to afford a shirt, so she probably needs a man with money.

Things that Made me Laugh Today

1. Hillary Clinton meets a Constitutional limit she agrees with.

"If elected president in 2008, Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton would consider giving up some of the executive powers President Bush and Vice President Cheney have assumed since taking office.

In an interview published Tuesday in Guardian America, a Web site run by the London-based Guardian newspaper, Clinton denounced the Bush Administration's push to concentrate more power in the White House as a "power grab" not supported by the Constitution." (1)

2. Search "original thought" on Google Images and You'll see this...

3. Can't wait to Go #2?!

"If you're stuck in traffic when Mother Nature calls, Japan's Kaneko Sangyo Co. has developed the loo for you.

The manufacturer of plastic car accessories drew back the curtain on Tuesday on its new portable toilet for cars.

The toilet comes with a curtain large enough to conceal users and a plastic bag to collect waste." [2]

Collecting "human waste" you say? Sounds like good times! Where do I sign up?

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, Part Two?!

Have you been watching the news lately? Reading the paper? It would be hard to miss the 24/7 love fest and traveling "happy" roadshow of Chavez and Mahmoud. So what does this mean? Aside from competition for the two Johns (living in their two Americas) there is an amazing story of love here. Read on and find out.

What is love without the ability to share a joke together? There is nothing like the feeling of being in a room surrounded by strangers and telling a joke that only you and your intimately connected partner share. Look at all the dour faces behind these two. Obviously these other men aren't in on the joke.

I will leave you to wonder what Mahmoud's cryptic hand gesture means. Please keep your mind out of the gutter.

After that special inside joke, why not share an embrace? A way to show that despite your government's persecution of homosexuals you aren't afraid to have a little skin-on-skin contact with another man. Especially a man as "fleshy" and passionate at Der fuhrer Hugo Chavez.

Sure, in Iran this kind of action might earn you death, but here in the West you can let your hair down, unbutton your cheap suit, and give a big 'ol hug to your partner without concern. Isn't freedom grand?


Okay, you dared to hug, so why not take it a step further? Is it a game of g*y chicken or a real intimate moment between petty dictators? Well, that's your call. Hey, why not vote on it in the comments section.



And what to do on your afternoons together in New York? Why not catch a show? Even better, why not take part in a Village People show? After all you already own the neat little construction worker hats.

Is it just me or do these two hold hands a lot? Don't trust me?! Fine. Check Google Images when you search for these two and tell me what you find


But before you head out be certain to make sure that your partner looks good. Whether it is combing their hair, cleaning out their scraggly beard, or pinning on that corsage just right.

Sweet, isn't it?

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Okay, if there is anything "happier" (read g*yer) than embracing heartily in front of a larger than life image of the two of you holding hands with big cheesy smiles, please let me know. I mean it.

Gosh, this image makes me laugh so hard I can barely type.

This reminds me of something else, what is it?

hmmm....
hmmmm.....
hmmmmm.....

Oh yeah, that's it!