Bush Derangement Syndrome is a serious illness. Luckily, it is only contagious among those with weak minds- those with normal mental function aren't at serious risk. Yet, it is still beneficial to know the symptoms of B.D.S. Knowing how to identify a B.D.S sufferer can often mean the difference between preserving your valuable time and wasting several hours in vain attempts at dialogue.

What should you look for?

Symptom #1. Although not all B.D.S. sufferers present in the same way, some cases are apparent from even a distance. Your first and most obvious clue are the ridiculously over-sized props. Whether it be G.W. masks, globes, or crowns- the B.D.S. sufferer seems to enjoy props that are disproportionately large. Notice how a class room size globe wouldn't suffice for this man to the left. Instead he has a globe the size of a swiss ball.

This desire for disproportionate props also permeates their thought patterns. For the B.D.S. sufferer, President Bush, isn't just a bad president, he doesn't simply make bad choices. No. In their mind Bush is evil (and not just regular old evil, but the kind of evil pronounced E-e-e-e-v-v-v-i-i-i-i-l-l-l-l-l-l!). Spend enough time among them and you will find that almost all of those afflicted with B.D.S. will eventually compare Bush and Hitler.

WARNING: Do not attempt to discuss the actual merits of their claim(s). Such discussions will only lead to you being labeled a fascist.

Symptom #2. B.D.S. often causes the carrier to go on and on about peace. This, in and of itself, isn't problematic. However, if you engage them in conversation about achieving peace, their response will almost always be nonsensical and borderline insane. For example, when asked how to obtain peace in our world, the B.D.S. afflicted might say any of the following:

"You can't hug your child with nuclear arms"; "No wars for oil";
"Shoplift for peace"; or even "How dare you ask that you fascist!"

Symptom #3. Their wild ideas about shoplifting to achieve peace are only rivaled by their borderline loony belief in almost any conspiracy theory that alleges G.W. Bush masterminded insidious plot X. X can be anything from hurricane Katrina to 9/11. Even without wild conspiracies, they routinely blame any bad occurrence, mundane or extreme, on G.W. In private B.D.S. carriers are known to blame President Bush for problems ranging from poor penmanship to impotence.

Symptom #4. This balding guy to the left is none other than Karl Rove. Despite his paunchy middle aged harmless white guy look, B.D.S. causes its victims to see this man as the mastermind behind all evil in the world.

It has been reported that some severe cases actually believe that Karl Rove has a mind control device hidden in the White House which he uses to brainwash the masses. However, to avoid the influence of its harmful Republican rays you need only wear one of these special hats shown to the right. Admittedly the model shown here is quite pricey and only available to the likes of George Soros, but you can make your own by simply folding over a sheet of tin foil several times.

Symptom #5. B.D.S. severely addles the brain leading
to a decrease in vocabulary and a preference toward vulgar language. Combined with their acute loss of any semblance of a sense of humor, the effects can
be devastating. B.D.S. causes people who might otherwise be rational to become venom spewing Daily Kos/Huffington Post automatons. Attempts to engage them in dialogue are useless- not because they can't be convinced otherwise, but because daring to disagree with them will incur their wrath. If you do attempt to dialogue be prepared to deal with near endless streams of profanity, multiple (and incorrect) uses of the term "fascist," and the words "BushCo.," "Halliburton," and "9/11 was an inside job."

I hope this brief listing of some of the symptoms of B.D.S. helps you to prepare for any and all unavoidable encounters with these poor souls. However, if you wish to see them confront logic for a brief moment I encourage you to ask them these questions:

"Is Bush stupid? [They will invariably answer yes, and maybe call him "shrub."]
"Is he the mastermind behind 9/11? [They will most likely tell you, yes, he was.]
Now ask, "How can such a stupid man contrive and pull off the biggest and most ridiculously complex conspiracy in the history of the world?"
Sit back and watch for a second as the hamster spins his wheel furiously inside their skull, but don't get too excited, because soon enough they will simply blurt out, "Karl Rove!"