As you all know by now, the Democratic candidates took part in a debate sponsored by a GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, and Trans-gender) group and broadcast on a cable channel targeted toward the GLBT crowd. Surprising isn't it? Apparently there is no interest group too small that Democratic candidates won't show up for a debate in their very own special forum (unless that interest group is people who watch Fox News- screw them!). The GLBT community did their part by tuning into the debate on the gayest cable channel available (and I don't mean Lifetime).

The debate opened with a loud round of applause when noted homosexual singer Elton John asked the candidates, "What are you going to do about organized religion that promotes hatred and spite against gays?"

Barrack Obama stated that he would meet with evangelical leaders who promoted anti-gay spite.

Presidential front-runner, Hillary Clinton, called Obama's comments irresponsible and instead suggested that her administration would not be used as a tool for propaganda purposes, while agreeing that "we need to get back to diplomacy."

The next question came from the cast of the long since canceled childrens' television show, Teletubbies. One character who identified himself as Tinky Winky asked Senator Edwards what he would do about the lack of Gay characters on television.

To which Edwards responded, "I am really not comfortable around you. But if I must answer your question, what more could I do? I mean you folks already have Will & Grace reruns, Queer Eye, Ellen reruns AND the Ellen day time talk show, Friends, and that L-word show."

Edwards comments were greeted with boos from the mostly leather clad audience.

In an attempt to circumvent the debate's one question per person rule, Sir Elton snuck back in disguised as noted cartoon character Donald Duck. A cartoon character who, aptly enough, routinely dressed in a sailor suit. Weirdly appropriate, eh?

Sir Elton, due to his status in the Gay community was allowed another question. He used this last opportunity to ask, "Will you consider closing down the internet?"

Rep. Kucinich fielded the question, responding, "Under my proposed socialist government Americans can expect less freedom, and that includes government control over the internet."

A representative of the Teacher's Union was next to the microphone. In a slow and halting voice he asked, "More money, me want. Give me more!"

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson replied, "Thank you for asking such a thoughtful question. As you know I support a nationwide mandate that would require all states to pay even the most incompetent teachers fresh out of college $40,000 a year [BTW I wish I was making this part up]."

Unsatisfied with such a low amount of pay for America's [gay] teachers the crowd hissed with anger. Picking up on this Senator Dodd promised to pay all teachers, "One Mil-l-l-l-l-l-l-i-i-o-n dollars."

Soon thereafter it was discovered that yet again Elton had snuck in, but this time we was accompanied by his long time partner. Both men came dressed in military uniforms. As they were both escorted out, one can only guess what question they had in mind.

This blogger thinks it probably dealt with gays in the military. Specifically, would gays in the military be allowed to use the internet. Sadly, as he wasn't allowed to ask his question we will never know how the Democratic candidates would have responded.

As what might be affectionately and accurately dubbed "the gayest debate ever" drew to a close vaunted superhero Captain Gay approached the microphone. He voiced his concern regarding the portrayal, or lack thereof, of gay superheroes in the mainstream media.

John Edwards refused to answer his question- as the site of a gay man wearing only a cape was far too creepy for his boyish eyes to bear.

Senator Clinton took this chance to promise more superheroes like Colossus, Wiccan, Batwoman, and Catwoman. She went on to propose "tax incentives for Stan Lee and other comic book writers to include more gay characters in comic books." Even this very gay crowd was already tired and responded with only mild applause.

The last question of the night came from two representatives of the Los Angeles gay Asian community. Both men were concerned with the limited availability of full bodied g-string bathing suits (as seen in the picture to the right).

Senator Obama affirmed their concerns when he responded, "I've seen that Borat movie, and it left me with the same question. Where can I get one of those full bodied G-string bathing suits? I looked everywhere, from Victoria's Secret to Wal-mart, but to no avail. This is clearly a case of anti-gay discrimination and you can trust it will be remedied by my administration."

The debate was over, but before I could ask the attendees for their opinions almost everyone had left the building. I say almost because I was able to find this gay man in the parking lot outside the convention center.

When asked about the debate he muttered, "Wham! Those were the days."

[This post brought to you by the brilliant mind (and body) behind the Total Transformation Challenge.]